


From Turkey with love

by HerthaLind



Series: Songs of SKAM [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/M, Is this love?, Long Distance Relationship, The Balloon Squad (SKAM), Yousana
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-05 09:42:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11575467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerthaLind/pseuds/HerthaLind
Summary: Sana POV story of the summer after SKAM s04.Long distance relationship with Yousef, getting to know each other better and Sanas thoughts about life, the future, love, relationships and sex.Some flashbacks, dialogue with other SKAM-characters, but very Sana and Yousana focused.





	1. I miss you

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I've been working on the passed weeks. My first ever fan fiction. I have drafted maybe 10 chapters and continue editing it. English is not my first language so have patience (and feel free to correct me, I don't mind learning).
> 
> I love Sana, her character, the mixture of fierce and badass attitude, her critical, analytic thinking and her sincere devotion to something bigger than herself.
> 
> And I love the Sana-Yousef dynamics, their cute and sometimes awkward flirting, a mixture of deep, honest conversations and just joking about kidney donations, children and marriage. I really missed that in the last episode, (I wished for a Yousef POV clip every day).
> 
> I can recognise myself in Sana, growing up in a loving family with strong belief and values in a very secular Scandinavian country with very liberal views on for instance sex. It is interesting when those worlds clashes, and the time in life when you need to decide what is your own conviction and what is just tradition. I can also recognise myself in Yousef, questioning everything and choosing "the best" while trying to get rid of the problematic.
> 
> I have also much experience from a long distance relationship (one that ended well, one that did not end quiet so well). I think that for someone like Sana, with her need to reflect and personal space, and a guy romantic like Yousef it could be a quiet interesting development.
> 
> I will not go deep into the other characters, even if I love them to, and I will probably not go very much into racism/islamophobia even though it is very important issues.

(Week of Eid-party, Saturday, 24 juni 2017)

 

The last week of Ramadan had been busy. Sana was tired after fasting, finishing some last school tasks and preparing for the Eid-party on saturday. In a way it was good that Yousef was more than 3000 km away in Istanbul and couldn’t distract her much. She had heard something from him almost every day since he left, already early the first morning, after their “date” she woke up to a meme with a photo of some vodka bottles at the airport tax-free shop and the comment **“Aaah, everything reminds me of you <3”** . She smiled and responded **“Stay away from the vodka! That is dangerous shit!”.**

 

Sana had decided to give Yousef a chance, even if he was not a muslim. She needed to find out why he was in her life, what was the purpose, was there a lesson to be learned perhaps. And she needed to find out what this was, love or just feeling and attraction? If she had known that he was not a muslim earlier this spring, she most like never would had added him on Facebook and encourage him in the first place. It is strange, she had known him for years but only considered him and Elias other friends as an extension of her brother, just a bunch of immature guys she sometimes played basketball with. She had been more interested in her other brother, Simos, friends, although they probably had thought of her as too young. Now, Yousef had entered her heart and mind and she was examining different islamic views and quran interpretations on interfaith marriage. The problem was that, even the more progressive and liberal views repeatedly discouraged, especially young muslim women, to initiate a relation with a non-muslim man if it was important for them to maintain their faith and raise their children in Islam.

 

Her girls had asked about “Yossi”. What was going on, were they a together now and what did that include? Vilde really tried to not get to invasive but just had to ask if they had kissed the last time they met. Sana noticed how Noora got a little tensed and uncomfortable by the question and Sana avoided the question and quickly changed the subject. It was none of their business anyway.

 

Yousef would be in Turkey until august 4, so about 7 weeks, 48 days to be precise. It was ok, manageable, he had wifi most of the time and the time difference was only 1 hour. He would mostly visit relatives but also work at a summer camp with kids for a few weeks. Sana was looking forward to a lazy summer, just working part time a few weeks in her uncle's shop and hanging out with the girls, maybe she would visit Simo and Jamilla in Copenhagen. Eva was going on an english course to Brighton and Noora talked about visiting friends in Madrid but had to earn some money first to afford it, she was working at a café now. Vilde had gotten summer jobs at a kindergarten and Chris were going to Stockholm to her sister and to Greece with the family.

 

The Eid-party had been a success. Probably one of the best ideas Sana ever have had, she thought. Her mum had been so happy to finally meet her friends. Sanas brothers had always had their friends over but Sana had made an effort on dividing her family-life and her friends-life.

 

The speech to Sanan, that Noora had written with a little help from Isak and William, and was delivered by Jonas, had left her stunned! Never had she thought of herself as somebody that would make such a big difference in anybodies life. She thought of herself more like an observer, looking in from the outside, not like a person that influenced or started chain reactions in other people's lives.

 

When cleaning up after the party her mother had told her that she was proud of her, that she was impressed by her ability to juggle two worlds and being a bridge-builder just by being herself, being true.

 

The only thing missing was Yousef. He would have liked it. He had heard from him during the day, he had asked how the party was going and liked the photo she had sent him. He had been to Hagia Sophia during the day and sent her a photo with the comment **“One day I will take you there”**. Sana answered him late in the night.

 

Sana: **4real? Are you already making plans for me?**

Yousef: **You have no idea!**

Sana: **Inshalla**

Yousef: **Did you see the playlist I sent you on Spotify?**

**Seni özledim**

 

The playlist was called “Songs for Sana” and had a chill mix of summer hits, hip hop and love songs. **“To make time pass, when you are peeling carrots or whatever”**. She was invited to add songs as well.

 

Sana had to translate his last message in turkish, the meaning was “I miss you”, and she noticed a song on the playlist with the same name by Incubus. She had never heard it before.

 

_You do something to me_

_that I can't explain_

_Would it be out of line, if I said_

_I miss you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Simo Bakkoush - Sanas oldest brother, his name was never mentioned i SKAM  
> * Seni özledim - "I miss you" in turkish
> 
> Playlist "Songs for Sana" (songs mentioned in this chapter)  
> Incubus - I miss you


	2. Is this love?

(Sunday, 25 juni 2017 and the coming days)

 

Sana added two songs to the playlist, “I feel it coming” with the Weeknd and “Smile” with Tupac and changed the name to “Songs for Sana (and Yousef)”.

 

Sana: **Nais playlist! I approve**

Yousef: **:) you can add songs**

Sana: **Already did… and changed the name**

Yousef: **:D good name, I approve <3**

Sana: **Did you have a good Eid? any plans today?**

Yousef: **Yeah! Big party is tonight, meeting everyone again, we are many! And a lot of food!**

Sana: **It’s a bit cheating though, not fasting or praying, just keeping the parties and food!**

Yousef: **Yupp! I will never give up Eid. Or muslim new year**

Sana: **But what will you tell your 12 kids? About why?**

Yousef: **Ha ha, you are 3 steps ahead of me. They don’t even exist yet!**

**Do you play chess? Bet you’re a good chess player**

Sana: **I like chess :) haven’t played in… years…**

Yousef: **well, I think I’ll tell my kids something like, grandma and grandpa believes in Allah and aunt Emilie believes in Jesus and some people don’t believe…**

**Kids are smart, they get that. And when they are older they can tell me what they believe**

Yousef: **At the work we don’t talk about religion, but we let the kids talk. I have a colleague, she’s a great kindergarten teacher, she taught me that if they start asking deep, existential questions I can always ask them what the think. It is hilarious the answers you get**

Sana: **like what?**

Yousef: **Ok, one kid, three-year-old girl said that, when you die, you end up on TV**

Sana: **What? lol**

Yousef: **Yeah, and when I told her mum later she explained that they had watched this old kids show on TV and somebody had mentioned that the actor had died :D so it totally made sense!**

Sana: **Is that odd? do 3-year olds think about death?**

Yousef: **Some do. They try to understand the world around them. But they learn taboos quickly too, good or bad**

 

Sana suddenly realised that she knows very little about kids, she never talks to them.

 

…

 

Yousef stayed with his brother Cengiz and his family while in Istanbul, together with their pregnant sister Leyla and her husband, while the rest of the family, his parents and oldest brother Kasim with family, stayed at an aunt’s house nearby. He didn’t have much privacy with people always around, they had tried to skype twice but it was easier to just chat early mornings and late evenings. One time his two younger cousins had interrupted them on skyping on the balcony making strange noises and embarrassing Yousef.

 

Sana prefered chatting anyway. She could be more… smart and badass writing than talking. She had time to reflect before she wrote, she got bolder and liked their chatt-dynamic, teasing and joking with him. Sometimes she even waited to respond on purpose to make him a bit nervous and see if he would get impatient and write something more. It made her feel powerful, wanted and in control.

 

On skype she would get more shy and distracted too. Even losing her trail of thought and forgetting what she wanted to say. It happened to Yousef all the time too, and it was both adorable and awkward. And they never really knew how to end the conversation.

 

...

 

Yousef had put some reggae on the playlist, perfect summer music! “Is this love” got stuck on Sanas head all day.

 

_I wanna love you_

_and treat you right_

_I wanna love you_

_every day and every night_

_we’ll be together_

_with a roof right over our heads_

_we’ll share the shelter_

_of my single bed_

 

Is this love? Yup, that is the question. Sana knew she was in love, but what did that mean? Did she just like the attention and feel a very strong attraction to him? Here a really good looking and nice guy comes along and makes her feel al special. But is it love?

 

…

 

Simo and Jamilla was in Oslo for a few days visiting. They both studied in Copenhagen, Simo since three years back and Jamilla the last year. They had only been 19 and 22 when they got married last summer. It all had been a bit stressed, they had been together and engaged for less than a year but they were crazy in love and nobody could stop them. One reason was off course that Jamilla wanted to move and live with Simo in Copenhagen.

 

Sana was generally very sceptical towards people getting married so quickly and so young. She had seen it too many times, young people falling in love and having this romantic idea that it was the meaning of life and now they would get married and live happily ever after. And then a few years later you would meet them, all worn out with a bunch of kids, no education or carrier looking bored and grey. All because they lacked self control and patience to plan something good, Sana thought.

 

Simo had a huge argument with their mother about it after their announcement. **“Think about Jamilla”** she had said. And later Jamilla came over with a prepared argument and a plan on how they planned to make it work, the wedding, studies and living together. She had been very convincing and did not back a millimeter, apart from postponing the wedding a few weeks to make it easier for Simos grandparents to come. But moving to Copenhagen had been more difficult than Jamilla had expected. Simo already had a group of friends there but Jamilla missed Oslo terribly much.

 

Sana wanted to talk to Jamilla about Yousef, but it all seemed so new and undefined that she settled with just mentioning that they had contact while he was in Turkey, Jamilla had noticed her checking her phone a lot anyway.

 

 **“Do you ever regret it? getting married so fast and moving to Copenhagen?”** Sana asked her when they were alone.

 **“No, it is what it is. And we would have done it eventually anyway, I didn’t have much of a choice, Simo had 3 years left so... “** she answered. **“Just happy we don’t have kids yet. And that Simo got to live away from home a bit before, your mother has spoiled him you know, he’s such a kid sometimes”.**

 **“But when did you know? That it was real love, not just feelings”** Sana continued.

 **“I don’t know. When we fight about money or dishes, I don’t feel very in love. But now, it is us, and we’ll get through this. Only three years left in Copenhagen now”** , she smiled and nodded hopefully.

 

…

 

Yousef: **I’ll be going away, to my grandparents a few days… no wifi… bad mobile connection…**

**so don't worry if you don't hear from me gurl**

Sana: **No worries! Have fun**

 

So sweet of him to warn me, Sana thought. He was a really sweet and thoughtful guy.

 

...

 

The girl squad were hanging out in the park down by Nooras work. They got discounted coffee and when possible half burned cinemondrolles for free. Noora would join them later. They tried to decide on when to go on a hyttetur to Chris grandmother's cabin but couldn’t set a date. Another issue was who was gonna go, just the girls or the more the merrier? The cabin has beds for six people, but there was always the possibility to sleep in tents outside. Esklid had begged Noora to let him come, but she frankly needed a pause from both him, Linn and even William. Vilde really wanted Magnus to come and suggested that they would invite his friends and the whole balloon squad as well.

 

Sanas phone buzzed. She had gotten an sms… from her mum she assumed, nobody else sent her sms. But it was from Yousef. **“Sexy Sana! Seni Seviyorum”**.

 **“This is weird. Yousef just wrote Sexy Sana”** she said out loud and got everybody's attention.

 **“There is nothing wrong with calling you sexy! It’s a compliment. Off course he thinks you are sexy!”** Vilde commented.

Sana tried to ignore her. **“There is something in turkish too… translating it now”** , she continued. The meaning of the turkish phrase was “I love you”. Sana was stunned and showed it to the others. This was not expected.

 **“What the fuck!”** Eva exclaimed. **“Hush, I just got one more, in turkish...** **Sana aşkı istiyorum** **“**

 **“Ha ha, he is really having fun with you, Yossi-boy”** Chris said.

The meaning of the second phrase was “I wanna make love to love” which made Sana loose he yaw and Vilde go **“Awwww!”**

 

Sana looked at them doubtfully. **“Ok, this is not Yousef. Either he is drunk or fucking with me or… it is not him”** . She explained how nothing was right, Yousef normally wrote in norwegian, and would never call her sexy. **“Even if he would think it Vilde, he would say it, write it!”** . He never send sms and he doesn't drink! **“Yes, it could be a joke, but I doubt it is Yousef joking. I bet it’s his twat cousins!”**.

Let’s have some fun with you little boys!

Sana typed an answer, in english! **“Yousef! I thought you were different! But you are just like all the other men! Goodbye, forever!”**.

It didn’t take long before they answered. **“No, sorry, it is not Yousef. We are his cousins”.**

Sana felt proud to have seen through the prank and answered **“I know, I eat little boys like you for breakfast! Give the phone back to Yousef now”.**

 

Yousef: **Ha ha, you evil female human. But… how did you know?**

Sana: **Seriously! “Sexy Sana”!!!**

**Just so you know, if you ever call me sexy I will stop answering**

Yousef: **ok, good to know :)**

**I’ll avoid compliments, wouldn’t want you to think that I am superficial. I can just think it in my head <3**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt the need to invent new characters here, Yousef needs a family.
> 
> So… Yousef is the youngest sibling in his family.
> 
> Kasim Acar, brother 35, married to Emelie, 3 kids, Nisa 6, Asya 4 and Adam baby
> 
> Cengiz Acar, brother 33, married to Adile, 2 kids Feride 5, Melik 3, they live in Istanbul
> 
> Leyla Acar, sister 27, married to Aras and expecting their first kid
> 
> He has his grandparents on the countryside and a bunch of aunts, uncles and cousins in Turkey and and some aunts, uncles and cousins in Norway as well.
> 
>  
> 
> Simo and Jamilla being married and studying in Copenhagen is also something I made up. But it is realistic, many scandinavian and europeans study and work across the borders, most diplomas and degrees (like medical degree to work as a doctor or nurse) are fully acknowledged in the other european countries.
> 
>  
> 
> Playlist "Songs for Sana (and Yousef)" (songs mentioned in this chapter)
> 
> Tupac - Smile
> 
> Weeknd - I feel it coming
> 
> Bob Marley - Is this love
> 
>  
> 
> The kid who thought we end up on TV when we die is my daughter. She had a period when she asked about death and graves a lot, asking who would die first and where we plan to have our graves etc.
> 
> The story about the stolen phone and sms in a foreign language is based on a true story. My boyfriends (now husband) friends did it and got shit scared that they had messed up for him when I got all dramatic on them “good bye forever”. I met them a few weeks later.


	3. Gold digger

(beginning of July)

 

On Monday Sana was starting her part time summer job in her uncle's shop. Nothing new, she had worked there before occasionally. She was in a bad mood, she hadn’t heard anything from Yousef in two days and it made her mind wander. What if he had met someone in Turkey and gotten tired of writing her? She knew that he lacked wifi at his grandparents, and who would he meet there anyway, mostly relatives, right? Sometimes the image of him and Noora kissing a Syng haunted her.

 

Elias was in a good mood. He had just received notifications that he had been accepted at Kristiania University College to study Marketing and Sales management. It suited him, a good blend of theoretical and practical courses. It seemed to Sana that everybody was moving on, getting jobs, starting to study. This might be her last predictable summer, with no real expectations on her. Just one more year and then she would hopefully start medical school. She had thought about studying abroad, maybe apply for an Erasmus grant. Maybe London or Paris, some bigger and more international city. Or Copenhagen to be closer to Simo and Jamilla. She envied Noora who had lived in both Madrid and London.

 

She hadn’t talked much to her friends about it, as far as she knew she was the only one with a clear career goal, apart from Noora who had talked a bit about journalism. And she realized that she had no idea what Yousef had planned when he would be home or in the near future. Did he plan on becoming a preschool teacher for real or was it just temporary job? Would he want to live abroad? Off course she couldn't plan her life based on his wishes, that would be crazy, but still she wanted to know. She decided to ask him in a message, he could answer when he had the opportunity.

 

Sana: **I know you probably can’t answer now but I was wondering… what do you think about the future, professionally I mean, do you plan to study or something maybe?**

 

About two hours later he answered.

 

Yousef: **I am in a café with free wifi! Yeay civilisation!**

**Ok, future plans, wow!**

**r u evaluating me, chessqueen? Finding out if I am worth the risk?**

Sana: **omg no!**

**or idk, maybe ;)**

**r u an ambitious guy?**

Yousef: **Is it important 4u? having cash flowing…**

Sana: **Yeah, sure I am such a gold digger, that’s why I plan to study medicine, too just seem smart and independent B)**

Yousef: **:D**

Sana: **Seriously, I was thinking ahead, after school, maybe taking a year abroad, London, Paris, but with everything going on in the world idk :-/**

Yousef: **cool! I’d go with you anywhere, anytime!**

**I totally recommend staying abroad for a long time, stay at summer camp here as a kid and now I work there, lots of international volunteers**

**Come to Istanbul!**

Sana: **ok :)**

**But… u r avoiding the future question >:(**

Yousef: **Who are you FBI, interrogating me like this :S**

**Seriously, I like my job, so I will work part time the coming year, and i applied for some courses at Uni. Should know soon.**

Sana: **What did you apply for?**

Yousef: **History, one year, for fun, and preschool teacher at university college, it’s only three years**

Yousef: **gotta go to the beach now**

Sana: **we are synchronized, me too! Beach with my bitches**

Yousef: **Send photos!**

Sana: **:O r u fishing for bikini photos!**

Yousef: **;) idk, r u offering any?**

Sana: **r u?**

Yousef: **You’d like that wouldn’t you. But I wouldn't want to distract you from planning your future and all!**

Sana: **I wouldn’t mind the distraction ;)**

**And I almost forgot what you look like**

Yousef: **Ok, I’ll see what I can do <3**

 

Yousef added “Gold digger” to the playlist with the comment. **“Did you know this song was originally intended for Shawnna and from a woman's pov?”**

 

...

 

Yousef did not disappoint her. He sent one photo of him walking on his hands on the beach and one closeup panorama photo with a beautiful beach in the background.

She sent him a group photo, a closeup with the bonfire in the background and one of her feet, dipping her toes in the cold water.

 

So no bikini photos. She didn’t even own a bikini, why should she? It didn’t bother her much that all her friends used bikini, she was so used to always dressing differently. And she wasn’t really bothered by half naked bodies either, they were all beautiful in different ways. What did bother her was the obsession with bodies, especially naked female bodies. Getting the perfect sexy body, talking about the need to change things and constantly fishing for approval from others, in particular from guys. She hated the looks, girls examining, evaluating and judging other girls. And guys staring, like lions in a meat market, consuming them with their eyes and feeling the liberty to comment on them. Juicy ass, peachy boobs, pointy tits.

She felt liberated from all of that under her clothes and hijab. Her body was not for anyone to judge or consume. And it gave more importance to her intellect and personality.

 

Yousef's body, the whole vision of him, pleased her very much though. She was generally fascinated by bodies, and liked watching them objectively, how brilliantly they are put together and functioning. But there was nothing objectively about watching Yousef's body anymore. The way he moved, his solid arms and neck, and the vertical lines along his abdominal muscles. She zoomed in on the photo he had sent and watched every part of it closely. She didn’t feel much guilt for the feeling so drawn to him. Why would she have the capacity to feel desire if it was wrong? She wouldn’t act on it off course, she wouldn’t do anything haram, forbidden. It could even be a great occasion to practice self-control and patience. With the right strategy and precautions waiting would not be that difficult.

 

For her it was all connected, to love, get married and make love, in that order. She had no interest in having experience from several lovers, or any experiment or “test-driving” before marriage. In that sense it was all or nothing. The decision to stay together, create a life together should be rational based on deep feeling and commitment and not based on lust in her opinion.

 

The thing that frightened her much more was falling in love and losing control. That she might get blinded, not be able to think straight, and get her heart broken. Or fool herself and break his heart.

 

Yousef was not a muslim, but he sure must have known what he was getting himself into showing interest in a hijabi-girl. He knows she is serious about her faith, they talked about it. Now he talks about taking her places, even going with her if she moves abroad, he keeps sending her love songs, he even called her his soulmate in a message to Noora! Was he even thinking about getting married? That is way too soon, how can he possibly know how he will feel in few years.

 

In a way Sana was happy he was away. It would be much too distracting to have him close. She wanted to figure out what she wanted, what she believed on her own first. She recalled their good bye hug before he left, how it made her feel warm and dazed. She felt safe with him, but still excited. She started wondering what it would be like to kiss him, to touch his face and caress his neck… like Noora had done she thought unhappily.

She wondered how many girls he had kissed, how many girls he had been close to or in love with. Is this something she could just ask him or would it seem nosey and jealous of her? It really wasn’t any of her business, but did he fall in love easily?

 

“Brown eyed girl” came on the playlist. The song made Sana happy but her heart skipped at the line

 

_making love in the green grass_

_behind the stadium_

_with you, my brown eyed girl_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist "Songs for Sana (and Yousef)" (songs mentioned in this chapter)
> 
> Kanye West - Gold digger
> 
> Van Morrision - Brown eyed girl


	4. Gunerius

(Around Vildes birthday, July 13)

 

Yousef: **Hey chess-queen, are you awake?**

**I just came home, went with my preggo sister for a late night walk to get ice cream, cravings**

Sana: **still awake! nice walk?**

Yousef: **Yeah, sure, nice to have time to talk with her**

**Any new future questions for me tonight?**

Sana: **Like what?**

Yousef: **well we covered career plans, living abroad and religious dialog with my future kids…**

Sana: **So what is next… housing?**

Yousef: **Ok future house dreams… what is important in a home?**

Sana: **balcony and bathtub!**

Yousef: **I love your balcony**

Sana: **You’ve never been to my balcony**

Yousef: **I’ve seen it from the backyard!**

Sana: **stalker!**

Yousef: :D

**what else… big kitchen table**

Sana: **well with 12 kids you must!**

**But even without 12 kids, big kitchen table is very important in a home, that’s where everybody meets up, to study, pay bills, get something to drink**

Yousef: **and some of us even cook in the kitchen ;P**

Sana: **nooo! 4real? they do that!**

 

... 

 

Yousef: **So when was the last time you played chess? I am playing backgammon here all the time (not enough patience for chess)**

Sana: **hmmm I’m not sure. I played a lot one summer in Morocco, with my dads friends, drinking tea and playing chess. They were so amused, this 11 year old girl from Norway, and I got so excited and gloated every time I captured the opponent's pieces.**

Yousef: **ha ha I can totally picture that!**

Sana: **Once I even manage to get a pawn all the way over to the other side and get a new queen. I didn’t win in the end but I was happy all week about it! My little black pawn had managed to become a queen**

Yousef: **Awww, cute**

 

... 

 

Yousef: **I have send you something**

Sana: **What? Where?**

Yousef: **With post… on it’s way to Norway as we chat**

Sana: **wow, you can still do that? post things ;)**

**What is it?**

Yousef: **Just something I found at my grandparents that I thought you might like**

Sana: **tell me!**

Yousef: **no, it’s a surprise!**

Sana: > **-( I hate surprises!**

Yousef: **ok, then I take it back!**

Sana. **You can’t, it’s on it’s way, or do you plan to rob the post?**

Yousef: **Dayum, you’re too smart**

Sana: **Vildes birthday today - party on the beach!**

Yousef: **Say hi, and happy birthday from me**

Sana: **Will do**

Yousef: **< 3**

 

…

 

Vildes party ended late and they missed the last buss and had to walk to the nearest tram station. Sana walked a bit behind and talked with Evan, he was asking about how Yousef was doing.

 **“You were close friends, right? before”** she asked.

 **“Sure, we were buds, back in the days”** , he answered.

Sana hesitated, but figured that she might ask Even about Yousef, he would probably know anything worth knowing, and it would be less awkward than asking Elias or Yousef directly.

 **“I saw him and Noora kissing at Syng. And I know, it was nothing and I have no right to feel jealous, but… I get it, he has probably kissed a lot of girls before…”** she started. Then took a deep breath and tried again. “ **This is silly, but… I am curious, has he had any girlfriend or anyone he was serious about before”** she felt stupid for asking Even. **“Just forget it, you don’t need to tell me”.**

 

Even looked at her amused and smiled.

**“I’d say you have the right to feel whatever you are feeling. Jealousy, curiosity… And I can tell you this. There was this one girl, maybe two or three years ago that he really liked.**

**We used to tease him, he was so dumb in love, too shy to really talk to her. he had plenty opportunities you know, but he would just freeze, or lose his tongue or just act silly. She didn’t even notice him”**

Sana could picture that and felt sorry for Yousef. Even continued.

**“She was a few years younger than us, but really badass, always with a smart line or sharp reply.**

**She was really good at basketball to. So all of a sudden Yousef didn’t want to play soccer anymore but was always practicing basket instead.”**

Sana gave a little laugh and shook her head doubtfully.

**“Oh I see, where you are going with this Even. You are making fun of me!”**

Even faked a confused expression.

 **“What do you mean? Anyway, this girl was the little sister of a friend”,** he continued.

 **“No… is that so!”** Sana played along.

 **“And the rest of the story I think you know better than I”** Even concluded.

Sana nodded and just smiled back at him.

Even added **“Look Sana, I don’t know if Yousef has been with many girls, or guys, I doubt it, he never was very good at flirting. But I know he has had his eyes on you for a long time. We all knew, we just never thought he had a chance”.**

Sana felt calmer, but also got the feeling that Even knew more than he choice to tell her.  

 

…

 

Sana thought about how she used to be to Elias and his friends a few years ago. She liked being with them when they did things, played basketball or watched a movie, but she didn’t like to just hang out with them. She saw them pretty much as an extension of her brother, just a bunch of immature, loud and smelly teenages guys. She was having a hard time at her old school and often came home with an attitude. She remember them teasing Yousef, saying things like **“Good luck with Sana”** , but she just thought that she was a part of the joke; Elias bitchy little sister.

 

She hadn't always been very nice to Yousef back then, she realised. She remember one time when he had tried to give her a compliment, saying that she looked nice in her new yellow hijab. The other guys had been giggling in the background and she got angry and demonstratively turned to all of them and said **“This”** indicating her face and body, **“is not for any of you to enjoy!”**. They had looked frightened but started laughing hysterically, and Yousef just looked confused and embarrassed.

 

Another time Yousef had offered to help her carry some heavy boxes and she had looked at him and told him that **“I have 300 fully functioning muscles in my body. I am a woman, not a cripple, I think I can handle it”**.

 

She also often made it clear that she thought they smelled. One time when Elias and Yousef had spent half of the day playing video games on Elias room she entered to tell them dinner was ready and went **“ooe, open a window!”** and then yelled **“Mum are you trying to kill me! I could suffocate in that room!”**. Yousef had looked mortified but Elias had just laughed and pushed her out.

 

It just stroke her, that Yousef probably had seen her before she started wearing the hijab all the time. She remember thinking that everybody looked at her and that Elias friends had treated her different for a while, not knowing how to behave around her at first. That passed.

...

 

Yousef had added Gunerius to the playlist, the Amanda Delara version.

 

_But you, you are the pawn_

_on a chessboard_

_black and powerless_

 

_But if you go to attack_

_make a good move_

_You can be Queen_

 

_Few knows that a little girl with faith_

_She can be great, she can be great and sit on the throne_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist "Songs for Sana (and Yousef)" (songs mentioned in this chapter)
> 
> Amanda Delara - Gunerius
> 
>  
> 
> Gunerius, the Amanda Delara version was played in the basketball scene in s04e04.
> 
> The lyrics of song, and personal experiences playing chess with older men when traveling, inspired Sanas chess-story in this chapter.
> 
> For full English lyrics check here:
> 
> http://lyricstranslate.com/en/gunerius-lyrics.html


	5. The Hannibal Lecter game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the story is about half-way and all has been very cozy so far, so now it needs some drama!

(Sunday, July 15)

 

Yousef: **Hey gurl, wazzup?**

Sana: **Not much, reading on the balcony**

Yousef: **The balcony I love :) What are you reading?**

Sana: **About the intestine, so literally about crap!**

Yousef: **What?!**

Sana: **It’s a great book! Funny pictures to**

**pop-science on our most underrated organ!**

**It is almost as long as a bus!**

Yousef: **What?! r u kidding me? I never know when you are...**

Sana: **no! 4real! I am seriously thinking about becoming a gastroenterologist now**

Yousef: **if you say so**

**but way too long title**

**I’ll say GEL, can I say GEL?**

Yousef: **I should buy it for my preggo sister, she is alway complaining about her intestine being jammed by the baby**

Sana: **wazzup with you?**

Yousef: **not much**

**summer camp on monday**

**working, volunteer**

**not play ;)**

Sana: **oh, gotta go, just remember I actually promised to work today!**

Yousef: **Ok, good… workday then**

Sana: **later!**

 

…

 

Work was slow, not many customers on a sunday afternoon. Sana didn’t mind, she prefered the slow shifts and picked them whenever possible. Should could sometimes read behind the counter, but had promised her uncle to not fiddle with the phone, because it made a bad impression. Noora came by to say hi.

**“Did you see my message? About the muslim feminist writer I found online? I didn’t read much but she seems sincere, like really muslim and she is from Morocco and a doctor to! So I thought of you!”**

**“Yeah, Asma Lamrabet I saw it, thanks”** Sana answered.  **“I read some of her articles. I might even buy her book.”**

 

Her article on the issue of interfaith-marriages had not given Sana peace of mind but rather raised more questions. Sana felt like Asma Lamrabet was sending two messages with the purpose to widen the debate on the issue from women's point of interest. She argued that the Quran did not particularly differ between men and women on this point and that it is unfair that muslim men can marry non-muslim believers, like christians and jews, while muslim women cannot. And even though she stated that honesty and mutual respect were the fundamental values in a marriage, and that they can exist even if the couples' faith differs she also questioned the legitimacy when non-practicing muslim men, that are atheist or agnostics with a muslim heritage, still marry muslim women according to the islamic traditions, few questions asked. Hers and Yousef's situation would more likely fall under that second category, him being a “non-believer” with muslim background. Anyway, Yousef maybe didn't want a muslim wedding at all.

 

...

 

Yousef: **r u there? still awake?**

Sana: **i am here**

Yousef: **was Vildes party fun**

Sana: **Yeah, great fun! What did you do?**

Yousef: **we watched “The Silences of the lambs”**

**on TV**

**dubbed in turkish :-/**

Sana: **:D**

Yousef: **Many people at the party?**

Sana: **Yeah, they say hi, Even, Isak… Elias was there, they all miss you**

Yousef: **Only the guys?**

Sana. **You wanna know if my gurls miss you? what is this, first fishing for bikini photos and now this?**

Yousef: **:D r u you jealous, Sana?**

Sana: **no!**

**but I do wonder**

**about things**

**about you**

Yousef: **About what?**

**Ask me anything!**

**We can do Hannibal Lecter thing, you get to ask me anything you like and then I get to ask you something**

Sana: **Hmmm, what if you ask something too personal and I don’t want to answer?**

Yousef:   **Don’t you trust me?**

**come on, I am Yousef!**

Sana: **hmmm ok**

Yousef: **you first!**

Sana: **ok… have you ever had a girlfriend, or been in love? You know something serious. Not just hooking up with someone at a party**

Yousef:   **Now I am hurt and confused… I have started to think of you as my girlfriend...**

Sana: **You’re avoiding the question! (why would I ask about me?)**

Yousef: **ok, ok, agent Bakkoush!**

**Apart from you… no, not really. I had a thing with Isabelle from Bakka but I wouldn’t call it serious and I wasn’t really in love.**

 

Sana knew who Isabelle from Elvebakken was, she had hanged around when they played basketball a few times.

 

Yousef:   **and FYI I don’t hook up with people at parties or anywhere, I don’t see the point**

 

Yousef's chat-conversation with Noora came back to her and the image of them kissing.  

 

Sana: **I know… from Noora**

 

She saw that he was writing a response, then he stopped and started again. She figured that he was getting nervous now, they had never talked about Noora, the chat- conversation or them kissing.

 

Yousef:   **What did Noora say?**

 

She felt wicked but decided to make him sweat a bit, waiting a bit too long before she answered him.

 

Sana: **Is that your question?**

Yousef: **Yes!**

**and don’t lie or leave anything out. All cards on the table. Those are the rules!**

Sana: **ok, Noora told me at Evas party that there was nothing between you two**

**but, you see**

**I saw you two at Syng**

 

Sana took a pause and waited with telling him that she had read the chat, she wanted to see what his reaction would be first. He was writing and re-writing again.

 

Yousef: **I wish you wouldn’t have seen that. I wish it wouldn’t have happen**

Sana: **I know …**

**cause Noora showed me your chat-conversation. She figured it would be the easiest way to explain everything**

Yousef: **What?! You read that?**

Sana: **yezzz**

Yousef: **all of it?**

Sana: **every word**

Yousef: **at Evas party? you had read it? you knew?**

Sana: **yez**

Yousef: **now I feel embarrassed**

Sana: **I tried to tell you when you were over to play kubb but then you said you were going to Turkey and through grass at me… (like a twelve year old)**

Yousef: **Fuck Sana! You are enjoying this, torturing me like this!**

Sana: **> :) All cards on the table! you can’t hide anything from me B)**

Yousef: **But!**

**I already figured out that you still asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I guess you have a soft spot for me somewhere in your cold heart!**

Sana: **maybe...**

Yousef: **You almost gave me a heart attack now**

**I blame the heat off course**

**I am a bit scared of you now :S**

 

Sana: **My turn! my question!**

Yousef: **Shoot!**

Sana: **Have you ever had sex, with Isabelle or anyone?**

Yousef: **Fuck Sana! You are killing me here!**

Sana: **What?! Answer the goddamn question!**

 

Again he took his time to answer, apparently re-formulation the answer a couple of times and this worried Sana a bit.

 

Yousef: **It really is impossible to hide something from you :(**

**Yes, I have had sex. It wasn’t love. It wasn’t beautiful or romantic.**

 

Sana stopped and reflected on his answer. It was honest. And he seemed sad or ashamed, saying it was not love or beautiful. For her the idea of being intimate with somebody without there being love involved was repulsive. She knew many people did not see it like that, and she did not want to judge them, but for her, that was not right, how it was supposed to be. She thought about Elias and his friends, the guys at school and how they sometimes talks and joke about sex and girls. She never knew what was just talk.

 

Yousef: **Sana? are you still there?**

**Did I disappoint you?**

**Look, it is not what I wanted but it happened**

**Now, I am waiting for the right girl**

**I don’t sleep around**

**I can wait.**

 

Sana melted a bit.

 

Sana: **I am here**

**i am not shocked or even surprised**

**you are good looking teenaged guy full of hormones :P**

 

She wanted to seem indifferent and just change the subject.

 

Sana: **your turn, your question**

Yousef: **ok, last one for tonight!**

**you avoided it before so even though I might be in shitty position now, being a despicable guy full of hormones, here I go**

Yousef: **do YOU think of me as your boyfriend?**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The book about intestines is by Giulia Enders and called “Guts: The inside story of our body’s most underrated organ” in english.
> 
> Asma Lamrabet is a real person, she is a practicing doctor (Pathologist), but also a muslim theologian and has written several books on Islam and women.
> 
> No new songs mentioned in this chapter on the playlist "Songs for Sana (and Yousef)"


	6. Saved

(night to Monday, July 16 and following days)

 

Sana was laying in her bed. A million thoughts was spinning in her head. She noticed that Yousef had added “Lovesong” by the Cure on the playlist and it suited her emotions. Dark, intense and urgent, like the end of the world was around the corner. She was just getting used to the thought of Yousef not being a muslim, and that she might be able to accept being with him anyway, just to be dragged back to square one again.

 

Did she ask for too much too soon? To know things that maybe she didn’t really want to or needed to know? And was she being a coward, asking this online? Protected behind the screen where she didn't have to expose her emotions or reactions to him. She was safe. She could take her time to reflect like she liked.

But there was also the risk of misinterpretations, there was no tone or facial expression in the letters on the screen. She had to read between the lines, but there was very little there to be read. Yousef's face was easy to read, like an open book. He would be so bad at keeping secrets or hiding surprises.

 

She re-read their conversation again. She had really interrogated him, while she was getting away with pretty easy questions herself. Not that she felt that she had much to hide or reveal. She smiled when she read that he thought of her a serious girlfriend. But the thought of him in bed with someone else disturbed her more than she wanted to admit. Like the image in her mind of him and Noora kissing. Who was this girl that he hadn’t been serious about yet still slept with. Isabelle? Please don’t let it be Noora! Or was there more to the story, had he been exploited, or raped? But then he wouldn’t call it “having sex” now, would he?

 

The Yousef she thought she knew wouldn’t sleep around or have casual sex. He was sensitive and a real romantic, a dreamer that believed in soulmates and obsessed over things. Damn! Part of her wanted to know everything about him, and part of her was afraid that she had already idealized him too much and from now on she would only be disappointed finding out the who the real Yousef was.

 

Was she naive? Expecting too much from a guy? Maybe she would never met anybody who could live up to her standards. She didn’t have very high expectations in general on men when it came to handling sex and lust. They seemed weak and unfocused. Her dad was maybe an exception and hopefully her brothers had take after him.

 

She let the lyrics of the song fill her up.

 

_However far away_

_I will always love you_

_However long I stay_

_I will always love you_

_Whatever words I say_

_I will always love you_

_I will always love you_

 

The answer to his question had been **“yes”**. She did think of him as her boyfriend. She never used that word, only his name, but it seemed like everyone around them already knew. It was her and Yousef.

 

Right now, in this moment she hated Yousef, for how he made her feel.

 

…

 

Next morning Sana woke up to find a message from Yousef. She ignored, didn’t feel like dealing with any of it today. She was not going to listen to the playlist either, she needed a break, to focus. She was not going to do anything drastic and unfriend him again but she really needed a break.

 

But it wasn’t easy to focus, when everything around her communicated sex. Like it was the meaning of life. To be sexy. And have amazing sex all the time.

It was raining outside and they were hanging at Eva's place, watching Paradise Hotel. Vilde was going on about how generous Magnus was in bed and Chris made more sex jokes than usual. Eva was repeatedly distracted by her phone and had a dirty smile on her face when she got a message. Noora wasn’t even there, **“probably having amazing sex with William somewhere”** Sana thought sarcastically. It all just made her feel sick.

 

Even the evening news betrayed her, talking about a new form a Viagra for women, sexual assaults at a music festival nearby and mentioning a new study on sex habits and health. Apparently having sex and physical contact so good for depression. At dinner her mum told them that her cousin was expecting twins in October. **“Didn’t they just get married? Well that explains the hurry”** , Sana mumbled.

 

She felt cynical and irritable. But she wasn’t jealous or sexually frustrated. She didn’t want to have sex, not with Yousef or anyone, not now! It just sucked that everybody else was. It sucked that Noora had kissed him. Did it turn him on, when she caressed his neck and pull him towards her? He sure seemed guilty and ashamed. Fucking hormones! Fucking reproductive biology!

 

Sana wasn’t sure what she wanted. Should she had kissed him before he left for Turkey? Would it had made any difference? Should she kiss him when he comes back? Will he still be her then? Does she still want him to be hers?

 

A long bath would calm her down and help her shake of all these thoughts. After, she looked at herself in the mirror, observing her neck, her naked breasts and the long dark hair falling on her shoulders. She thought her breast looked bigger, seemed bigger. They had been more sensitive lately and she blamed Yousef for it. **“He has no idea of what he is missing”** , she thought and gave herself a confident smile in the mirror.

But was it unfair? She could enjoy his neck, hair and even had a photo of his naked torso, while he had to use his imagination. Was it fair to any of them. Maybe if he would cover up more things would be easier.

 

Yousef had sent a lame meme about Hannibal Lecter.

 

Sana: **8)**

Yousef: **r u busy?**

Sana: **watching new GoT soon**

**think I’ll go to sleep early**

Yousef: **cool, I’ll try to see it tonight also**

 

She didn’t feel like chatting more tonight.

 

…

 

There was a nature program about birds on TV. Sana and Elias was lying on the sofa watching it a bit unfocused. Elias was hungover from last night and didn’t say much, except occasionally uttering **“wow”** and **“did you see that?”**. The male paradise birds were performing incredible dances to impress the females. They first took their time to prepare a nest on the ground, gathering leaves and feathers and then they called out to attract the female to come and look at the dance. If the female approved the dance and nest she would stay and mate.

 

 **“Did you have fun last night?”** Sana asked her brother.

 **“It was ok, a party”** Elias answered tiredly.  

 **“What’s up with you?”** he added after a while.

She shrugged, **“nothing”**.

 **“Are you missing Yousef?”** he asked.

 **“No, not today”** she answered nonchalant and avoided eye contact to indicate that she didn’t what to talk about it.

 

There were swans on TV now, Australian black swans from Turkey. Sana took a photo of the TV screen and sent it to Yousef with the comment **“Watch out, they are in Turkey!”**

He answered almost immediately.

 

Yousef: **Good to know! And maybe they are not so evil after all :)**

 

Sana was confused but realised that the subtitles on the photo had been **“Once courtship is complete, male and female swans really are bonded for life, with few exceptions”**.

Sana: **Aaah, didn’t read the subtitles.**

 

She added Khalid’s song “Saved” to the playlist. It suited her emotions, but she was not sure why. It was an ambivalent retrospective breakup song, not clear if the singer hoped for a happy reunion or for it to finally be over.

 

_So I'll keep your number saved_

_'Cause I hope one day you'll get the sense to call me_

_I'm hoping that you'll say_

_You're missing me the way I'm missing you_

_I'll keep your number saved_

_'Cause I hope one day I'll get the pride to call you_

_To tell you that I'm finally over you_

 

…

 

The package from Turkey arrived on Wednesday. Sana had totally forgotten about it. In it was a pocketbook and a short letter.

 

**“Dear Sana,**

**I found this book at my grandparents place, I read it when I was there last summer and though you might like it to. It is much like a fairytale about a boy looking for a treasure he saw in a dream, guided by his heart. The journey wasn’t always easy, but it was his journey, his experiences and just as important as the destination.**

**I liked it, it gave me comfort when I was having a rough period of my life. It gave me hope that things could get better and easier, that I could find peace or something.**

**Anyway, if you don’t like it, at least it is short, right?!**

**/ Y”**

 

He had put a pressed flower in the book. Sana looked at it. “The Alchemist” by brasilian writer Paulo Coelho. **“When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it”** was one of the quotes on the backside. Sana was skeptical, that sounded like something Vilde could say.

 

She started reading it, about the shepherd boy Santiago's way through the desert to pursue his dream, his destiny.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist "Songs for Sana (and Yousef)" (songs mentioned in this chapter)
> 
> The Cure - lovesong
> 
> Khalid - Saved
> 
>  
> 
> Book “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho exists.


	7. All the time in the world

Thursday, July 20

 

03:00

Yousef: **Dear Sana,**

**I cannot sleep and feel like shit right now. I got so happy when you answered that you do think of me as your boyfriend, but then I got this uneasy feeling the past days that you must think I am an idiot, that you can't trust, who just say things.**

**I wish I knew what you think of me now. I wish I could look you in the eyes, see your face.**

**I get it, all cards on the table. I believe in honesty, not secrets or lies. But maybe we tried too much, to be close although we are far apart? Maybe we should just talk about certain things f2f?**

**Don’t get me wrong, I’ll answer any question you might have. And I want to know everything about you.**

**You have no idea how much I wished I never kissed Noora, that you never saw that. But I really do not hook up with people or sleep around.**

**I did it with this girl about a year ago, I thought I was in love but that was just wishful thinking. Anyway, it got bad, didn’t end well, but I think I have learned from it. About myself, what is what, love, feelings or just “hormones” like you put it ;)**

**I know better now, I know what I want and what I believe in. I am for sure stronger and more mature now and soon I won't even be a teeager anymore som maybe there is hope for me?**

 

08:15

Sana: **ok**

**I don’t judge you or your hormones ;P**

 

She felt guilty for avoiding him for three days.

 

Sana: **I haven't slept well either. The Cure is no cure!**

**We can talk more about things some other time. No rush**

 

Sana added “All the time in the world”, the Fun Lovin Criminal version, to the playlist. She felt like she needed to see him, hear his voice. 

 

Sana: **Wanna skype soon?**

Yousef: **< 3 I’m at work, I’ll leave summer camp around 17. We can skype then**

Sana: **ok! later**

Sana: **wait, your five or my five?**

Yousef: **my five, 16:00 in Olso**

**< 3**

 

…

 

At four Sana prepared her laptop on her bed, setting the webcam in a comfortable angel and her earphones available, untangled, on the side. She made some tea, peed and closed the door and the balcony door. She didn’t want anything to interrupt when he would call. Then she waited. It felt like forever. Then he called.

 

**“Hi”** she said a bit shy.

**“Hi you… it is so good to see you”** . He had a sad smile and looked both relieved and anxious.

**“You look different. Your hair... and you have gotten so dark”** she remarked

**“Yeah, the turkish sun does that…”** Yousef raised his eyebrows at her.

But it was not just that, she looked at him in a different way now, he was another Yousef. Older, she realised he was older than her, he had done a lot of things that she hadn’t. He had graduated from school, had a real job working with children, and worked as a volunteer in Istanbul and… had sex.

**“You look older”** she said. He looked at her puzzled, like he was not sure that was a good or a bad thing and he didn’t know how to respond to it.

 

Sana broke the silence.  **“Where are you now?”** .

**“Ah, in a park nearby, found a spot with wifi from a café. They even have a basketball court here. Look.”** He showed her bits of the park, an elephant fountain and a bridge.

**“Some people around, but I doubt they know norwegian”** .

**“Nice!”** Sana noted. 

 

She felt the tension between them, it was almost suffocating her, and took a breath to break the silence again.  **“Yousef… I am so sorry that I unfriended you on facebook when you had told me that you were not muslim. I panicked, it wasn’t part of my plan”** . Her voice broke a bit in the end and she tried hard not to start crying. 

**“No, no. Don’t be sorry”** he told her compassionately.  **“You were trying to be smart, strategic, I love that about you. You’ll be the brain and I’ll be the heart. ok? We’d be unbeatable”.**

She started to laugh while still weeping softly.

**“I’m sorry for… not being what you planned”** he smiled at her gloomily.

**“Anyway, we cannot change anything in the past. We can only learn and move forward.”** She nodded to agree with him. When had he become so wise.

They continued talking for a while, both being extra sweet and cautious with the other.

**“I finished the book you sent me”** Sana told him.

**“Oh yeah, when did it arrive?”** he asked.  **“Yesterday”** she answered. He looked pleased.  **“Then you must have liked it”** he seemed eager to hear her opinion.

 

Sana had loved the Alchemist. At first she was sceptical. She didn’t buy “the secret” bullshit, that “the law of attraction” and “positive thinking” really could give you wealth and happiness just like that. She believed more in hard work and patience. And she believed in Maktub, destiny, that God had a plan for everything and everybody had a purpose.

Yousef was more romantic. He did not believe in God as a force and designer of the universe. But he did believe in right and wrong and in love. He believed in soulmates, that some people were meant for eachother, meant to be together.

Sana wasn’t so sure that it could be only one soulmate, only one possible love. Just like with everything else, you have to make it work, fight for it. If you choose one person you will get one life and if you choose another you will get another life, both filled we good things and challenges. For sure great chemistry and strong attraction could keep you more motivated to make it work. But it could also distract you from other important things in life.

She liked that Santiago in the book, reached his destination because he never gave up. Yousef liked Santiago's conviction and that he followed his heart. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist "Songs for Sana (and Yousef)" (songs mentioned in this chapter)
> 
> Fun Lovin Criminals - All the time in the world


	8. Honey I'm home!

Weekend 21-23 july

 

Their chat conversations had become more like a part of their daily routine. They would say good morning and goodnight and send at least one daily photo, even when they did not have anything in particular to tell the other. They even joked about it **“Honey, I’m home”** answered by **“How was your day dear?”**.

Only two weeks left now until Yousef would return to Norway. He was busy working at the summer camp in the days and often hanged out with the other volunteers in the evenings. Sana worked a bit too and hanged with her girls whenever possible. Eva was back from England and Chris back from Greece, so they could finally go on the hyttetur to the cabin. Just them girls.

 

It was very relaxed and nostalgic being just the five of them in the cabin. They talked about some rumors from school, complained about work and got trapped in a discussion on whether or not the size of the penis was important. Was is a matter of physiology, technique or did it just depend on taste and preference. **“According to Kama Sutra it all depends on the right match, the size should match, you know the depth of the pussy. A horse-man who is large is suitable with an elephant-woman and a hare-man who is small with a deer-woman. If they differ too much it will not work well”** Vilde explained. Eva was skeptical, **“But does it not depend more on, how tight or elastic the pussy is? Anyway intercourse is way overrated”** . Chris agreed **“yeah, otherwise nobody would be lesbian”.**

 

Sana and Noora looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Too much details again. Vilde noticed it and turned to Sana and said, **“But, this is good for you to know. You know when you and Yossi will… when you will get married and all.”**

Sana responded as politely as she possibly could **“Thank you Vilde, I think I know more than enough now.”**

 **“So ok, it is forbidden for a muslim to have sex before marriage, right? But you can still do some other things right?”** Chris asked, making obscene gestures with her hands to indicate oral sex and handjobbs.

 

Sana took a deep breath, she had been dodging the topic long enough now and felt compelled to explain.

**“Sex outside of marriage is haram, forbidden. That includes everything with the purpose to stimulate sexual pleasure or orgasm. Mastrubation is always forbidden, sex should be an act between two people who love each other and are married”.**

 

 **“Whatabout kissing?”** Eva asked. **“Kissing can definitely stimulate sexual pleasure if you do it right”** she added. Noora got notably uncomfortable and Chris added **“Noora knows what she is talking about!”.**

Sana was quick on dragging the attention away from Noora and back to the topic. **“I don’t know about kissing. I guess it is like you say, depending on the kissing. And the couple involved. Some are very strict.”**

 

 **“But”** she continued, **“within the marriage Islam is very positive towards sex. Everything is allowed, everything that brings mutual sexual pleasure. And foreplay is emphasised, it is considered cruel if a man don’t engage enough in foreplay or meet his wife's desires”.**

 

She noticed that she really had their attention now. **“It is like, a muslim should show respect and be modest towards people outside the marriage to avoid temptation. But within the marriage, you should not be shy but say and show what you like”.** Sana felt almost superiors and sexy talking about this and it must had showed in her face. **“Girl, you’ve got it bad! I’ll give you tops one year before you’ll get married and jump Yossi’s bones”** Chris said with a smile.

Sana gave her a murdering look. **“Sorry I take it back, I’ll rephrase it… before you get married and start bringing each other mutual sexual pleasure”** , she corrected and high fived Eva.

 **“I will never be some teenaged bride! That is so cliché.”** Sana said sharply.

 **“But… I do approve the new phrasing”** she added with a smile.

 

…

Monday, July 24

 

Sana was back at work on Monday. It was an ok day, not too busy. A woman, a bit older than her mother, that she thought she recognised, came up to her. The woman was buying a new charger for her phone. **“You are Dr Bakkoush girl aren't you?”** She asked. **“Yes”** Sana answered. **“Do you know my father?”** . **“Everybody knows Dr Bakkoush"** , she answered smiling. **“But I’ve met your brother, Elias, much more. And I think you must know my son, Yousef?”** she asked. Sana got a bit tense, realising who she was talking to. Were they not all still in Turkey? Was Yousef back? Had Yousef talked about her to his family? What was she doing here in the shop?

 

 **“Ah, yes Yousef. I thought you all went to Turkey for the summer?”** she asked.

**“We did, but some of us had to come back for work earlier. Yousef and Leyla stayed a bit longer”.**

**“Was it a good trip?”** Sana asked, trying to be polite and think of something to say. **“Yes, very nice”**.

Sana felt like she was freaking out by this small talk with Yousef's mother and looked around for her uncle in the shop. He was with another customer. **“It’s 200 crowns for the charger”**.

The woman paid her.

 **“Here. I’ll let you get back to your book. Say hi to your parents and Elias”** . **“I will, bye”** , she answered.

 

As soon as she had left, Sana went to her uncle and asked for a short coffee break. She couldn’t concentrate. She took her coffee to the backyard and sat down at a small plastic table in the sun. Her heart was pounding and her hands were shaking. It took her by surprise that she would get this nervous just from running into one of Yousef’s family members. She texted Noora and asked if she could meet later and they decided that Sana would drop by the Café around closing time. She calmed down and went back in, to work.

 

…

 

Noora was closing up and cleaning the café when Sana came. **“Here Sana, you get my last cappuccino for today”** and gave her the cup. **“Thanks”** . **“So what’s up? It seemed urgent, you can’t be missing me already”** , Noora asked. Sana told her what had happen in the shop today and that she was freaking out.

 **“Awww, Sana. Are they close? Not everyone are close to their parents. I’m not.”** Noora asked.

 **“I don’t know. I think so. He seems close to his sister”** she answered. **“Do you think he has said anything? That she knew who I was and came to shop on purpose?”**

 

Noora was wiping the counter as they were talking. **“How would I know? What have you told your parents?”**.

 **“Nothing really. My mums knows that I like him and that we met. She probably told my dad. Elias is acting like we are a couple. He is jealous that Yousef writes me more than him.”** They laugh.

**"Then Yousef’s parents probably know the same. That Elias has a sister that Yousef likes”.**

**“I have eaten her soup”** Sana realised. **“Should I have told her that I liked it?”.**

 **“I don’t think she expected that, it was over a month ago”** Noora said. **“You are cute when you are nervous”.**

 **“Oh, I hate this, this is not me”** Sana replied.

 

...

 

Sana got home late and went to the kitchen. Her parents were talking and cleaning up after dinner. **“Do you want me to heat something up for you?”** her mother asked. Sana shook her head  **“No, I am not so hungry, I’ll just take a sandwich?”** . Elias came in, took a glass of water and sat down by her at the table. So Sana thought she might just get it over with, the greetings from Yousef mother like she had promised. She tried to sound casual **“So Yousef's mum came to the shop today. She says hello”** . Elias looked at her with a teasing smile. **“That is nice, did you talk much?”** her mother asked. **“No, not really. She needed a new charger for her phone”** . **“So they are back from Turkey?”** her mother asked. **“Some of them apparently”** she answered. **“Yousef is coming next week”** Elias added.

 

…

 

Wednesday, July 26

 

Vilde: **Sana, I’ve read on a muslim forum about an Imam who recommend young people to get married, while still living at home, so they can have sex. And there was something about temporary marriages also.**

Sana: **Ehh, no one takes that seriously. Like child marriage. And its kinda desperate.**

**Besides Yousef is not a muslim, so technically I cannot marry him.**

Eva: **Can’t he just say he is a muslim? Or a christian? Muslims can marry christians and jews right?**

Sana: **Muslim men can marry christian and jewish women. But muslim women can only marry other muslims :(**

**Why would he say he is christian?**

 

Sana smiled at her friends, they had never showed this much interest in her faith before. Noora sending her articles and Vilde going on muslim forums. It was annoying but a bit sweet. And it felt good to talk to them about it to. Even if she had to explain things and answer some dumb questions. They were so concerned about her lovelife.

 

Sana: **Besides, I don’t want to get married now, remember?!**

Vilde: **How can you not want to? Yossi is hot and crazy about you!**

Eva: **And your soulmate <3 <3 <3**

Noora: **Don’t care about them. I believe in you and Yossi!**

**Sex is not everything**

Chris: **But sex is something! Tops 1 year!**


	9. The original plan

Thursday, July 27

 

Yousef: **Hey.**

**I hope you're having an amazing day, cause I am having an amazing day...**

Sana: **and if I am having a amazing day you should be having an amazing day!**

Yousef: **:D**

Sana: **So, what is so amazing today?**

Yousef: **Naw, just started preparing for the trip home**

**1 week left**

**bought some presents**

**one for you <3**

Sana: **and you will not tell me what it is, yeah yeah :/ you want it to be a surprise**

Yousef: **Yes! just to prove that you can't know everything**

**But it is really nais ;)**

Sana: **> :I**

 

...

Friday, July 28

 

 **“So what was the original plan?”** Yousef asked on Skype.

Sana didn’t understand what he meant first. **“you said that me not being muslim was not part of your plan…”** he explained.

 **“Ah, yes. But does it matter now?”** she wondered.

 **“I wanna know”** he responded. **“I am curious on how you think”**.

 

Sana took a breath and looked up like she was trying to remember how she was thinking.

**“Well, I guess I thought that I would met a smart, fun, muslim guy when I was old enough. And he would fall madly in love with me and around 25 we would get married, have amazing sex and after I had worked a few years as a surgeon we would have maybe two kids. Not twelve! Something like that.”**

Yousef smiled at her and tilted his head **“Aww”**.

 

Sana drew her eyebrows together and challenged him **“Ok, so what was your original plan then?!”**

Yousef answered very layed back **“To just take every day as it came, Chill, improvise”.**

Sana looked at him with doubt. **“Come on. What did you want? What did you think would happen? You wrote that what happened last summer was not what you wanted”.**

 **“You remember everything don’t you?”** he teased her and scratched his head. **“Well, I guess, I wanted something similar. I didn’t think much about getting married, that would just be a natural consequence, I thought more about falling in love, for real.”** He took a pause. **“When I was 15 my dad had the sex talk with me. He something like that it is best and safest to wait. But if you can’t wait, to make sure that it is with someone who cares about you and that you care about. And to use protection! Look at all you little cousins. I have crazy many cousins, it is totally sick! And now they are growing up and having babies, every summer someone pregnant or a new baby…”**. Sana laugh at that.

 

 **“So what happened?”** she asked. Yousef got serious. **“Well, when I was together with Isabelle, she wanted to do it but I didn’t feel ready. For a few weeks I said I needed to get to know her better. She was like, the hottest girl in school but I wasn’t even sure I was in love. She got offended, like I didn’t think she was hot enough. She asked if I was gay. Or if it was because I was muslim, if I planned to wait until marriage. I felt provoked and answered maybe. She got upset and didn’t see the point of having a boyfriend if we didn’t… I felt like a complete idiot, like this boy who didn’t know what he was doing or what he wanted.”**

Sana listened carefully and nodded to encourage him to continue.

 

**“Last summer... I was a mess. It was after everything with Even. I wasn’t sure what I believed anymore and questioned everything, all the rules, everything we have been taught. I needed to find out what was my own beliefs, my own conviction. And I met a… young woman, another volunteer from Norway at the summer camp. She was a bit older than me and I felt like she really saw me. We hanged out all the time for about a week when we… did it.”**

 

Yousef looked down when he said that. Sana felt relieved that he didn’t say “made love” or mention her name. She didn’t care about her, she didn’t want any details, the only thing that interested her was what Yousef was thinking, what he had felt last summer. He continued but he kept changing position on the park bench he was sitting on and was visually more uneasy when he talked.

 

**“The thing was… she already had a boyfriend, back home in Trondheim, and i knew about it. I liked her, I liked the way she made me feel.**

**Anyway, things got bad. I even met her boyfriend shortly when he came to visit. He found out and they broke up, and I felt like she deserved it. For a while I hated her and everybody from Trondheim.**

**But more than that, I hated myself. I hated that I had tried to be someone I was not, that I pretended to know what I was doing, that I hadn’t been honest. I didn’t even tell her it was the first time for me.”**

 

He paused and looked away at the park, people passing by.

 

**“When I saw her with her boyfriend I felt like a complete idiot again. Like I had been her friendly, exotic Turkish fuckboy for the summer,  part of her Istanbul experience, showing her around teaching her how to order Turkish coffee. And I didn’t even feel very Turkish that summer. Sure I know the language and have family there but… you know.”**

 

Sana nodded. She couldn’t relate to everything he had told her but the part of not fitting in anywhere and how people chose to look at you she recognized. When in Norway she was presumed foreign and when in Morocco, even with relatives sometimes, she felt foreign. She didn’t know what to say.

 **“But… did it feel good?”** she asked.

Yousef’s eyes widened and he looked at her surprised. **“Wo-what? You’re asking me how it felt… physically?”**

Sana had to laugh at his reaction and the absurdity of her own question. It just had slipped out and she blushed. Yousef laugh too a bit confused.

 **“Well, that’s the point right? That is feels good. You were not trying to make babies, were you?”** she said laughing.

Yousef laughed, shook his head and then stare at her. **“What do you know, if I’m gonna have twelve kids I better get started! Would be kind of cruel to have the same woman give birth to all of them!”**

And that made Sana laughed even more. It felt good to laugh. **“Oh, you are so kind and thoughtful Yousef!”** . She calmed down, raised an eyebrow at him, smiled and asked **“So?”**.

 **“No, no, I am not gonna tell you how it was, go on internet Sana!”** he said shaking his head and burying his face in his hands.

 

 **“Ok”** , Sana said more sincere. **“I’m sorry you had a bad experience. Hopefully next time get better”.**

Yousef agreed and smiled at her but got serious again. **”But I am not sorry, about anything. Maybe I needed this to be able to fully appreciate something really good”**

Sana wasn’t sure it was true. Yousef had been a good guy all along, not somebody who needed to be put in place and taught a lesson. Maybe if she would had been nicer to him a few years ago he would never had gotten together with either Isabelle or nameless Trondheim-chick. Crazy thought. She had been too young and angry then, and he had given up on her too fast. Now they were older and had gotten a second chance. But she couldn’t tell him this, so she just nodded.

 

 **“So, you want to wait until marriage, right?”** Yousef said to change the subject, looking her straight in the eyes.

 **“That is the plan”** she answered, raising her eyebrow and smiling. **“Anything else is haram”**.

 **“And the plan was to get married at 25?”** he asked seriously.

 **“Yes. I refuse to become one of those teenage brides! I value self-control”** she said defiant.

 **“Ok. So that is in seven years. Your birthday is in december so more like eight years”** he continued. It made her nervous hearing him using her plan and making a concrete timeline from it.

 **“Yes. Eight long years”** she said emphasizing the o in long. **“It will be hard… for Stephen Curry!”**

 **“Come on Sana! You’re killing me now. Did we, or did we not established that you do see me as your boyfriend! This is a step backwards, I am trying to move things forwards! I cannot look at you now!”** They were both laughing again. It felt good.

 

They had been talking for almost one hour now and they started to round up and say good night. It was pitch-black in Istanbul but the sun was still up in Oslo.

 

…

Saturday, July 27

 

Yousef: **You know that Stephen Curry is already married, right?**

Sana: **Aww, you have googled him?**

Yousef: **Checking out the competition, making strategies to destroy it.**

Sana: **So you think you are a candidate? Are you a patient man? Can you wait for 8 years?**

Yousef: **I can wait longer than you :P**

**Besides, you have 2,5 years left of teenage hormones to endure. In two month I will be free!**

Sana: **Doesn’t matter. You will always have more testosterone than me anyway, since you’re a man.**

**You will never be free from it, just hopefully more used to it...**

Yousef: **You are such a bio-nerd! *Iyi geceler**

Sana: * **Tusbih ealaa khayr**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Yi geceler - good night in turkish
> 
> *Tusbih ealaa khayr - good night in arabic


	10. Kiss me

Saturday, July 29

 

Sana smiled. Joking about getting married and having kids was one thing but… this was the second time she felt like she had to escape the topic, by mentioning Stephen Curry. The truth was that she didn’t feel ready for any of it. She was 17 years old, she should be focusing on school, friends and figuring out who she was. Not be thinking about getting married, kids and sex. It scared her.

 

Sure Yousef was in love with her and all emotional now but how could they know how either of them would feel in a few years? Being in love, it passes, emotions has to land eventually. And when that happen, would they still have enough to compensate for the fact that he did not share her faith? The absolute worse thing Yousef could do now was to come home with a ring and ask her to marry him. That would be catastrophic. It would just prove that he was too emotional and too impulsive for her. She wouldn’t be able to take it serious. Should she warn him?

 

The reason she wanted to wait with sex was not only because it was forbidden in Islam but for because of the logic behind it. Premarital sex was just risky and messy and not worth the hassle. Apart from the risk of getting pregnant or catching a STD she believed the risk of getting emotionally hurt was bigger. Also, haveing sex based on pure lust seemed less personal, less intimate or less “beautiful” like Yousef probably would have put it. She really did value self-control and patience. She also believed that stable and loving families were the pillars of society. This was important to her.

 

She knew that she was walking on a thin line with Yousef, flirting too much, feeling too much. And she was getting preoccupied over how things would be when he came home and there wouldn’t be a screen between them anymore. So far they hadn’t done anything wrong and she felt that they had been honest with each other. How will it be when he is in Oslo? She wanted to meet him and be with him alone, but would that be smart?

 

There were a few other things that bothered her, that made her doubt Yousef, apart from him not being muslim. All his talk about soulmates and following your heart scared her. He seemed to live so much in the moment and be more emotionally than her. Sure it can be a good thing, opposites attract and can be complementary, she can be the brain and he the heart. But she didn’t trust the way he seemed to handle difficulties, just letting things happen to him. Like with Noora at Syng or with nameless Trondheim-chick last summer. And even if he has been joking about twelve kids, which is absurd, he probably wants a bigger family than her and he probably wanted it sooner.

She knew that she was over analyzing everything as usual and that she probably should be more chill, like Elias, and take thing as they came along. But she felt that she needed time and a new plan if this was going to work.

 

…

Sunday, July 30

 

Sana: **Hey you. Look, I enjoy our way of joking, about marriage and 12 kids. You need to be able to laugh at serious stuff right! but...**

**I know you have good intentions, still...**

**we are so young and just started to get to know each other so it stresses me to think about it for real. How can anyone of us know what we will fell in a year or two?**

**We need time, to know what this is…**

Yousef: **Ok**

**First, I don’t just have “good intentions”, I am crazy in love with you**

**Secondly, you are right. Time is good, time is our friend, no stress.**

 

Sana felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her chest. She had been so worried about Yousef's reaction, that he would take it the wrong way or that he would think that she was too skeptical and over-analyzing too much.

 

Yousef: **But there is one thing I would like…**

Sana: **What?**

Yousef: **I would like to kiss you when I come back**

**plis, plis, pretty Sana**

 

Sana thought about it, about the discussion with her friends about kissing. She touched her lips with her fingertips and imagine what it would be like to kiss Yousef. She wanted that to. So much that it scared her.

 

Sana: **ok! I approve ;)**

Yousef: **:D <3**

 

Yousef added “Kiss me” to the playlist.

## …

 

Tuesday, August 1

 

18:35

Sana: **With the risk of exposing that I am a total control freak I have made a list with a few rulez…**

Yousef: **ok, rulez for what?**

**btw I already got that you are control freak**

Sana: **The rulez for physical interactions…**

Yousef: **Yeay! We are gonna have physical interactions :D**

**Now you have my undivided attention**

Sana: **Rule 1. Kissing, hugging and touching is ok, but not under any clothing**

Yousef: **:D ok, easy enough to remember**

**So if I walk around naked… B)**

**sowri, I take it back, sowri**

Sana: **I don’t think you want to walk around naked considering Rule 2!**

**Rule 2. To not be alone in a room with the door closed**

Yousef: **Ok, I guess that is smart…**

Sana: **And the last rule, it is more a question of good taste and respect to other people**

**Rule 3. To not kiss or do things in public, in front of other people. It is just so tacky**

Yousef: **I agree**

**But wait, is this a trick? If I can’t kiss you in public and I can’t be alone with you, when can I kiss you?**

Sana: **Use your imagination, find the “grey zones”, between public and private, public but not in front of others or in a closed room...**

Yousef: **Like… in the park with no people around?**

Sana: **Yes, that would work**

Yousef: **Or in you kitchen if Elias is in the other room? Or on you balcony, or on the stairs…**

**hahaha now I am thinking about a million places where I can kiss you :D**

**I approve the Rulez!**

Sana: **Good boy!**

 

…

 

22:00

Yousef: **Are you free on thursday afternoon?**

Sana: **Yes. When are you home?**

Yousef: **Thursday, at noon…**

Sana: **:) ok so let men know when you have landed and I meet you like 2 h later? Anywhere, anytime ;P**

Yousef: **:D I have something for you!**

 

…

Wednesday, August 2

 

 **“So, you are meeting with Yousef tomorrow? When he comes home”** Elias asked at Sana. They were in the kitchen eating breakfast. Sana was reading and their mother was putting away some dishes. **“Yes, so?”** she answered, trying to sound like it was not that big of a deal and tried to avoid her mother's look.

 **“Maybe later you can join us in the park?”** he asked.

 **“Ok. But why are you asking me, why don’t you just ask Yousef yourself?”** Sana asked annoyed over being some kind of messenger, and a bit embarrassed by the unwanted attention around her and Yousef.

 **“Ah. I did. He said to check with you”** Elias shock his head and left the room.

Sana felt uncomfortable but figured that now, she had to talk to her mother about it. **“Sana, do you want some more tea?”** her mother asked her, poured her a cup and sat down opposite of her at the table. **“Here we go”,** Sana thought to herself.

 **“You must be very special to Yousef. You were the last one he wanted to meet before he left and now he wants to meet you first…  before his friends.”** her mum was looking at her with genuine interest mixed with a little concern. **“Yes, I guess”** she answered. **“We have been in contact, writing each other… almost every day.”** She continued. **“But we are not getting married or engaged. we talked about it, we decided to take things slow”** she added and realized how strange that sounded.

 **“You already talked about NOT getting engaged?”** her mother asked her and raised her eyebrows like she needed a little more  context to fully understand that.

 **“Yes. We, like each other and we joked about it, kids and marriage. And I panicked so we decided to take things slow and figure out what this is”** she explained feeling very small and shy.

 **“That sound like a smart thing to do”** her mum answered, nodding, encouraging her to tell more. Sana gave her a little smiled and went back to her reading. Her mother got the hint **“Ok, I’ll leave you alone. But you know that you can talk to me when you want to”**.

 

Her mum left the table and started to walk towards the living room. Sana stopped her.

 **“Mum, I think that he really cares about me and that he is good for me. I believe that everything happens for a reason and h is teaching me to get out of my head, live more in the moment, see things more positive.”** Her mum nodded at her but added **“Just be careful with yourself, and with him”**. Sana smiled and nodded.

 

…

23:45

 

Yousef: **Are you awake?**

Sana: **Yes**

Yousef: **I don’t think I will be able to sleep tonight…**

**keep thinking about that you exist and that I get to meet you tomorrow**

Sana: **that I exist?**

Yousef: **yeah, 4real, not just on the screen**

Sana: **Aww**

Yousef: **why are you awake**

Sana: **idk, maybe I am thinking that YOU exist 8-)**

**but how can you be sure that it has always been me online? Not Elias or somebody else?**

Yousef: **idk. but I am more afraid that I have been hallucinating everything, that I made it up in my mind that you would answer me and skype with me...**

Sana: **have you been experimenting with drugs in Turkey?**

Yousef: **no!**

Sana: **then it is more likely that it has been me answering you**

**but I cannot guarantee that it was me every time**

Yousef: **don’t say that, I am already nervous**

Sana: **about what? meeting me?**

Yousef: **idk**

Sana: **I’ll be kind. go to sleep! See you tomorrow!**

Yousef: **ok. see you tomorrow**

 

…

Thursday, August 3

 

They had decided to meet in the park, by a bench on the opposite side of the park where they later would join Elias and their friends. Sana was excited and nervous. What if it would feel strange, wrong to be with him in real life? They were so used now to be apart, to be online. She knew they had chemistry from before, at least it was not like on Tinder-dates, that they were meeting for the first time. What if she had created a romantic picture of him in her head and now that they would meet it would just be awkward and the real Yousef would be a lousy kisser.

Then she saw him, already sitting on the bench waiting, doing something on his phone. Her heart skipped a beat and she stopped. He was so beautiful in his white T-shirt contrasting against his dark skin and his longer hair constantly getting in his eyes. He looked up and saw her. She smiled and concentrated on walking over there. He stood up and looked at her astonished and started walking to meet her halfways. They stopped about an arm length from each other and just smiled like two fools and looked at each other.

 **“You are real”** he said relieved.

 **“Yes, I am real”** she said, took a step closer so that she could  take his hand and put it on her face. **“Do you feel that?”** . He caressed her cheek with his thumb and exhaled and nodded **“yes”** . Then he kissed her, softly once and again slower like he was trying to taste her lower lip in the end. He took a deep breath and pulled her closer to embrace her. **“This feels so good”** he mumbled. Sana felt overwhelmed and hid her face on his shoulder.

 **“Sana, are you ok?”** he asked. **“I am more than ok”** she mumbled in his shirt. He smelled like she remembered. She sobered up a bit so she could look at him again and said with a smile, **“It is good to have you back”**.

 

 **“Do you want your present now?”** he asked.

 **“You tell me, do I?”** She asked hesitating. **“Off course you do! Don’t look so frighten, what do think I got you?”** He asked surprise. They went to sit down on the bench and Sana looked at him suspiciously when he took up a rectangular box wrapped in a green scarf from his backpack. **“You really need to trust me now”** he laughs. She was relived, the box was much to big to be some kind of jewelry.

It was a chess game and inside 32 wooden pieces and also pieces for backgammon. **“Now, you can start playing chess again”** he explained proudly. **“And we can play backgammon on you balcony. I don’t have the patience for chess”.**

 **“Thank you, it is a great gift!”** she gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.

 

 **“I’ve also brought some Turkish pastry, baklava, revani, lokma...”** Sana had butterflies in her stomach and the talk of sweets made her a bit nauseous. She shook her head **“I can’t eat anything right now”** . **“Are you ok? Do you feel sick?”** he asked concerned looking at her observant. Sana couldn’t look at him anymore, she felt so timid, like a little girl. So hugged him and hid her face in his shirt again. Yousef laughed a little and stroke her back gently. **“Eh, I didn’t expect this. Sana Bakkoush, in my arms being… shy?”** She hit him. **“Ouch! It’s ok, you’ll get used to it. I’ll be kind”** he added. **“Do you want to play backgammon?”**

 

The played for a while and talked about Turkey, the coming week before school would start. Yousef would work one week at the kindergarten before starting the preschool teacher program at the University college.

After the third game Sana asked **“So are you ready to meet the others? Elias will kill me if I keep you too long”**.

 **“I don’t know. Are you ready?”** he asked.

She looked confused **“Am I ready? I’ve been seeing them all summer!”**

 **“Are ready to meet them... together with me?”** he explained. She nodded. **“Ok, one last kiss for the road”** . She laughed, **“One for the long walk across the park”**. Then they walked away hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10 endnotes:
> 
>  
> 
> Playlist "Songs for Sana (and Yousef)"
> 
> Incubus - I miss you  
> Tupac - Smile  
> Weeknd - I feel it coming  
> Bob Marley - Is this love  
> Kanye West - Gold digger  
> Van Morrision - Brown eyed girl  
> Amanda Delara - Gunerius  
> The Cure - lovesong  
> Khalid - Saved  
> Fun Lovin Criminals - All the time in the world  
> Ed Sheeran - Kiss me
> 
>  
> 
> Ok, this is it. I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> I will probably do some minor changes.
> 
> I have been drafting on a sequel story of Sana and Yousef in Oslo, figuring things out, “the honeymoon phase”, testing the Rulez, boundaries, meeting family and friends,having a fight… We’ll see, I have less time now that I am back at work.


End file.
